Playmaker, p.4
Playmaker, page 4
He thinks he distracted me, but I’m about to flip the tables on him. He has no right to be jealous. He’s the one who almost kissed me on that beach and then tossed me to the side a week later like I meant nothing. Ever since that day in his living room I’ve been unsure if Cameron was attracted to me or if it was all in my head, but he proved it to me tonight without having to say anything at all.
And if he can’t grow a pair of balls and come to terms with that then he can live with the consequences.
I’m done putting myself on hold for him.
I’ve done it for longer than I care to admit.
“Can we get some fresh air?” I ask. The room is stifling hot and the music is so loud I can hardly hear my thoughts.
Mark pulls a set of keys out of his pocket and jingles them in the air. “I’ve got something better to show you. Come on.”
He takes my hand in his, and his large, bulky figure easily cuts a path through the crowd to the front door. I’m hit with a rare breeze when we step onto his driveway, grateful for the reprieve it brings. A shiny red Mustang sits pristinely in the driveway as if it’s never been touched, and Mark opens the passenger door, ushering me to get in.
“Have you been drinking?” I ask.
“No. I always stay sober during parties at my place. I learned the hard way after too many incidents. If someone pukes on the carpet or a vase shatters, I want to be fully alert to take care of it.” He runs a hand through his shoulder-length blond hair while he waits for my answer, and although I feel Mark is someone I can trust, I can’t be certain that he’s had nothing to drink, and I don’t feel confident driving somewhere with someone I barely know when I’m tipsy myself.
“Can we just talk out here? Is that okay?”
He nods and tucks the keys back into his pocket. “We can do whatever you want, Maddie. Truthfully, I’m surprised you came tonight. You’ve never been the type to party.”
“That’s because I’m not. I was trying to branch out, but parties are just . . . not my thing.”
He chuckles. “Trust me, I know. I used to see you in the stands reading a book at our games in high school. Ethan said your parents forced you to go.”
Now I’m the one laughing. “Yeah, football isn’t my thing either. I’m most comfortable staying inside watching a movie instead of this.”
“Well, maybe I can take you on a date sometime. An introverted one, of course.”
Oh god.
His suggestion should give me butterflies or that giddy feeling I used to feel with Cameron. A person should be happy they’re being asked out, not utterly petrified. I shouldn’t have tears welling up, and my stomach shouldn’t be wrapped in a knot.
But I’ve spent the majority of my life lusting over a man who is probably hooking up with another girl right now. Even when he told me he wanted me out of his life, I never truly left. I was always in the background listening to anything my brother shared about Cameron’s time away at college. I kept up with him even when my brain screamed at me to let him go.
I had boys at college and even in high school who showed interest, but it never worked out. After Cameron broke my heart in the seventh grade, I let myself grieve for a few years before I started dating this boy, Michael Collins, for a couple of months in high school. He was nice enough and treated me well until he discovered I wasn’t ready to do anything more than kiss. I was fifteen at the time, and thrilled to be going out with a junior, but no matter how hard he tried, I couldn’t bring myself to take the next step. And that resulted in me finding out a week later that he was cheating on me with a girl named Penelope, captain of the cheerleading squad. I can still picture the black eye Ethan gave him.
Regardless, the boys I tried to move on with would kiss me and I’d feel nothing. Their lips didn’t bring me the spark that a brush of Cameron’s fingers against mine elicited. All the little moments with Cameron over the years made my body feel as if it was on fire. The brushing of his knee against mine on car trips with my family. How we would always seek each other out no matter what room we were in. How he knew me. The real me.
What has holding out for him gotten me, though? I’m a nineteen-year-old virgin because whenever another boy touches me it doesn’t feel right. I’m tainted by someone who will never be mine. Someone who has been dealt too much pain to understand how to push through it.
I can’t keep waiting for him when there are handsome, genuine guys out there like Mark, who are mature and emotionally ready for a relationship. Going on a date with Mark would be uncomplicated and easy. It’s about time I start choosing what will make me happy.
“I’ll think about it,” I reply.
His grin grows wider. “Cool. I won’t pressure you to do the number exchange. If you want to reach out, Ethan has my number. Just ask him for it.”
Mark has a way of settling my nerves. He makes me feel at ease, and honestly, he doesn’t understand how much I needed that tonight.
I jerk my head toward his Mustang. “So, what’s the sound system on this thing like?”
He arches a brow. “Wanna find out?”
What the hell, right?
I’ve already gone out of my comfort zone by coming to this party tonight. What’s a ride in a car with a hot guy going to change? Screw my reservations. For once, I want to be a daredevil.
“Lead the way,” I reply with a bright smile.
Whether it’s out of excitement or fear, I can’t be certain, but when Mark opens the passenger door for me again, a shot of adrenaline courses through my veins. The feeling is foreign, but it’s one I’m going to welcome with open arms tonight.
Take that, Holden.
Try all you like, but you’ll never win this game you started.
Seven
Cameron
Five years earlier
We’re gathered around the table at lunch—Mallory and Jackie sit beside me while Ethan, Penelope, and Jack, another member of the team, sit opposite us. Mallory is raving about the cheerleaders’ new routine for their upcoming competition, twirling a brown ringlet around her finger while she chomps on a piece of gum. She’s on a liquid diet, and the only reason I know this is because as soon as she sat down she bragged about how she’s already lost three pounds.
I couldn’t care less about their routine or what diet Mallory is on. The twins have taken a liking to me, and they’ve insinuated having a threesome at Jack’s upcoming party this weekend, so if I have to pretend to care about liquid diets and routines for the next few days, then so be it.
“Are you guys ready for the game this weekend?” Penelope shuffles closer to Ethan on the bench, flashing him a flirtatious grin that Ethan seems oblivious to.
“Yeah,” he replies, shoving another bite of fiestada pizza into his mouth. “This team will be easy to beat. No sweat.”
Jack rubs his hands together and wiggles his brows. “My cousin is bringing a keg for us for the after-party at my place. He goes to State.”
“Oooh,” Jackie drawls. “A college boy. Is he hot?”
I chuckle low and deep, watching as Jackie squirms on the bench. “Trust me, baby. You’ve got the hottest man sitting beside you.”
Ethan rolls his eyes. “Stop being a douchebag, Cameron.”
“What? It’s the truth.”
“Will Michael be there?” Penelope interrupts.
Maddie’s boyfriend? He’s in the same grade as us, but I avoid him like the plague for reasons I have yet to understand. There’s nothing wrong with the guy. He’s funny, smart, and he’s a great teammate. Maddie seems to be happy, and yet that doesn’t make me feel relieved in the least. I expected her to move on eventually and forget what happened between us on that beach, but I didn’t expect to feel so annoyed by Michael’s face whenever I see him.
“I think so. Yeah,” Jack replies.
“Good.” Penelope sits up straighter, satisfied by his answer. “I call an upstairs bedroom for us.”
Mine and Ethan’s gaze both shoot to hers. “Don’t bet on it,” Ethan says. “My sister is dating him.”
Penelope furrows her brows. “Who’s your sister?”
“Maddie Davis.”
She throws her back with laughter, and Mallory and Jackie join in, and irritation prickles along my skin. “The freshman? Yeah, he’s not having fun with her. At least that’s what he told me beneath the bleachers yesterday when we—” Her face turns red, and I haven’t noticed my grip on the table is damn near making a dent in it, but my knuckles are white, and all I can see is red.
Michael cheated on Maddie with Penelope?
Is he an idiot?
Ethan’s face more than likely is a reflection of mine. “He cheated on my sister?”
Realizing the ramifications of what she just revealed, Penelope’s face pales. “I—I mean, I thought he was ending things with her. He said he was going to before we—”
Ethan shoves back from the table, his tray slamming into mine. “I’m going to kill him,” he says, seething.
Anger is boiling beneath the surface, but unlike Ethan, it would be odd if I became outraged like he is. He’s Maddie’s older brother. He has a reason to be pissed. Michael is a junior trying to take advantage of a freshman, and although this information shouldn’t bother me as much as it does, I can’t help it.
I already broke her heart once.
She doesn’t need it broken again.
And that fucker Michael?
I’ll be damned if he lays another hand on her.
“As soon as I talk to Maddie, I’m cussing him the fuck out,” Ethan sneers.
But me? I’m already rising from the table, muttering an excuse about using the bathroom before I stalk off into the hallway like a lion searching for his prey.
—
“Hey.” Ethan joins me at my locker three periods later, eyeing the bandage wrapped around my fist. “I’m guessing that’s where Michael got his shiner from? I saw him in history. Everyone’s asking about it, but he won’t say who did it.”
I found that fucker in the parking lot coming back from lunch, and I don’t feel sorry about the punch I threw. My anger got the best of me, and looking back, maybe I could have handled things differently, but I was in the heat of the moment, picturing Maddie bawling her eyes out like she did in my living room after my mom passed. I threatened to make his life a living hell if he told a soul it was me. I’m the captain of the football team, after all. I have the authority to exile him from every party and all the girls in school if I want.
It infuriated me that Michael cheated on Maddie of all people. It’s ironic, really, considering I’ve cheated on plenty of girls. I’m not going to claim that I’m a saint because I’d be lying. Who am I to judge Michael when I’m a fucking clone of him? Ethan has covered for me plenty of times when girls become suspicious. I never date them, but I have claimed to be exclusive only to turn around and fuck the next girl who asks.
But Maddie?
I’d never cheat on her.
Never in a million years.
And we may not be on speaking terms ever since our fight two years ago, but that doesn’t mean I won’t look out for her and protect her as much as I can.
“He deserved it,” I mutter. “Don’t say anything, all right? If anyone asks, just . . .”
“I’ll say I did it,” he says. “Unless I get called into the office or something. Then you’re fucked.”
“You don’t have to cover for me.”
“Yes, I do. It should have been me who punched him anyway. I’m her brother, you know? But I know you’re her older brother, too, in a way, so thank you. For looking out for her.”
Right.
That’s what I’m doing.
Looking out for her like an older brother.
—
The revving of Mark’s car pulling onto the street stayed with me long after Ethan and I got back to his house. I had no reason to wait for her to return. I haven’t been her friend in years, but that didn’t stop my heart from racing as my mind wandered to what the hell she was doing with Mark until two in the morning. My feelings toward Mark are growing dangerously close to how I felt about Michael, and I don’t like it one bit. I’m used to feeling nothing. Being emotionless. But when it comes to Maddie, I feel everything too much.
Is she still drunk?
It’s pitch black in the living room. Only the gentle ticking of the grandfather clock in the dining room fills the silence. Ethan went to bed when we got home, but it’s not unusual for me to sleep on the couch. I’m pretty sure the cushions are indented from how many times I’ve slept here.
Finally, fifteen minutes later, I hear the jangling of keys and the front door opening. The hardwood floor creaks beneath her feet, and then the fridge opens, casting a golden glow in the living room.
I should leave her alone, but the longer we go without speaking, the more it upsets me. I’ve been trying to pinpoint why the silence between us has been troubling me so much since I returned. We’ve ignored each other for the past six years, and I was fine with that because it was the right thing to do, but this is the first time I’ve come home from college where it doesn’t feel like the right thing to do. Why is that? Because I’m at a place in my life where I don’t hate the world? Because maybe a minuscule part of me believes I could be healed enough to let her back into my life?
Whatever the reason, I can’t stop thinking about her, and rather than sit back and let myself be miserable about it, I’m going to do something.
When I stand up from the couch, Maddie notices me and jumps back with a hand placed over her heart. “Jesus,” she breathes. “I didn’t realize you were sleeping here. What are you still doing up?”
I point to the freezer rather than answer her question. “The pizza is behind the frozen lasagna.”
“I wasn’t looking for pizza,” she replies.
“No? Has your late-night snack craving changed in the past six years?”
I inch closer until I can clearly see her face. The red lipstick hasn’t moved out of place, and her hair is still pin straight. She doesn’t look like she’s been messing around in the back of a car, and the hope that fills my chest because of that observation is pathetic. Thankfully, the glassy look in her eyes has faded, too, which means she’s not drunk anymore. At least I hope not.
“Fine.” Her shoulders slump in defeat when she tugs out the pizza. “But this doesn’t mean you still know me. I’ve changed a lot since—”
Since the night she left my house bawling her eyes out. She doesn’t have to remind me. The image replays in my head on a constant loop.
“What’s new about you, then? Aside from the fact you’ve become a bore.”
She gasps. “I have not become a bore! I’ve always been like this.”
“Have you?” I cock my head to the side and study her as she slides the pizza into the preheating oven. I’m pushing her on this only to get under her skin. I know she’s been a bookworm since the moment she could read, but that night in Myrtle Beach was different. She showed a side of herself I didn’t realize existed.
It’s a version I miss intensely.
One I saw a glimpse of tonight when she sped off in that car with Mark.
“I remember a much different version of you in middle school,” I continue, knowing she’s seconds away from packing a beautiful punch to my face. “You were always convincing me to do dangerous things. Like sneaking out, for example.”
It’s a low blow considering that the night I’m talking about was the night I almost made a move on her, but I’m desperate to know if she still remembers it.
Does it still haunt her the way it does me?
When she spins to face me, hands balled into fists at her sides, I have my answer.
“I wonder why I tried to become a daredevil in the first place, Cameron. Do you have any idea as to why I’d try to convince you to sneak out that night? Being outgoing isn’t my thing, but whenever you’re involved I seem to—” She clears her throat to stop herself.
“Look, Maddie, I don’t want to fight with you. I’m tired of fighting. All I’m trying to say is that seeing you leave with Mark was the first time I caught a glimpse of the old you, and I guess I didn’t realize how much I missed that version of you until tonight.” The speech comes out rushed. I don’t sound like myself at all, and Maddie is standing in the middle of the kitchen with her feet rooted to the floor, seemingly in shock.
“We have your family’s annual spring break trip to the Grand Canyon next weekend, and I don’t want things to be awkward between us anymore, so I’m proposing a truce of sorts.”
“A truce,” she repeats slowly.
“Yeah. I want us to go back to how things used to be between us. At least until we head back to school. It’ll be easier for everyone that way. Plus think about how happy it’d make your parents. You know they’ve been devastated since we had our falling out.”
“I’m not the one who caused that,” she mutters.
“No, it was me. All me. What happened to our friendship was one hundred percent my fault. My mom had just passed, and after sneaking out onto the beach with you only a week prior, I—” Fuck, I’m not going to get into that now. “I was messed up, Maddie. I hated life and resented everything, and I couldn’t bear for you to become one of those things.”
Maddie shifts her gaze to the floor as I try desperately to blink back my tears.
“I wasn’t mature enough to admit I was wrong then, but I am now. You deserve to know how fucking sorry I am, and if you’ll let me, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll rebuild our friendship.”
Her eyes lift to mine, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Our friendship?”
The word sounds thick on her tongue. We both know it’s because friendship is the furthest thing to describe what we had with each other, but I don’t know what else to call it. When break is over, we’ll be heading back to separate schools. A relationship has never been in the cards for us.
