Playmaker, p.11
Playmaker, page 11
He chuckles, tilting his face toward the sky to catch the sun. “You’re right, but I’m asking anyway. After the whole Michael situation, I just don’t want her to get heartbroken again, and if Mark has any playboy tendencies, I’m confident you’d be able to fish them out, you know? You excel at being a player. What’s the saying? It takes one to know one?”
Stating the obvious has never bothered me before, and here I am acting like a total idiot wanting some sort of acceptance from Ethan, which is pointless. With all the bullshit he’s seen me pull? All of the girls I’ve used for a night only to discard? It’d be impossible to redeem myself in his eyes.
It doesn’t matter anyway.
Maddie and I aren’t in a relationship.
We never will be.
This is physical and nothing more.
“No, he’s a good guy.” The sentence tastes sour on my tongue, but I swallow the bitterness and force myself to say the next words. “You should set them up.”
Fifteen
Maddie
I half expected Cameron to join us for dinner. The times he’s declined have been few and far between, and him coming out with us has never put me on edge before. For the past six years I’ve avoided him at all costs, sitting on the opposite side of the table, and while I’d listen closely to his and Ethan’s conversation, I’d never join in. Instead, I’d speak to my parents about school, or whatever book I’d been reading at the time.
But tonight Cameron doesn’t give me the choice to escape. Tonight Cameron sits directly beside me, our thighs pressed together beneath the elaborate tablecloth.
Since we’ve all been away at school, my parents splurged on a fancy dinner at one of the most expensive Italian restaurants in downtown Phoenix. It’s the kind of place where your napkin should be on your lap and you should know the difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork. We don’t come here often, but when we do, we all dress up for the occasion. If we didn’t wear our best, we’d stick out like sore thumbs.
Maybe that’s the reason my body feels electrified sitting beside Cam. He’s wearing a pair of dress pants that hug his figure just right, with a long-sleeved white button-down shirt left partially open to reveal the tiny bits of chest hair he has. That damn gold chain glistens beneath the dim lights of the restaurant, and I wonder if he wore it on purpose. I’m not going to be able to focus on eating let alone speaking. Not when my thoughts are clouded with the memory of tugging on that chain during our frenzied kiss.
I shift uncomfortably in my seat, and Cameron notices, staring down at me with an amused expression. “Everything okay?”
No. Goose bumps pebble my skin, and it has nothing to do with the temperature. The red satin dress I chose to wear seems like a horrible idea now that the fabric feels like a caress against my nipples—the kind of caress that reminds me of Cameron’s fingers.
“I’m fine,” I reply, as if the rippling heat from his body isn’t utterly distracting.
Thankfully, my father interrupts. “So, what’s everyone getting?”
Ethan, who is sitting to my left, rambles about the steak he deserves after his and Cameron’s hard-core workout earlier this evening. I do my best to focus on the menu, but then I feel a hand on my knee beneath the table.
Every muscle tenses at his touch. My skin is like live wire, waiting and on edge to see where he’ll move next. I want him everywhere, and yet I want him nowhere. We’re at dinner with my family. Has he lost his mind?
“Their risotto is to die for,” Mom says.
His fingers create small circles on the inside of my knee, completely unaffected when he delves into sports with my father, and Ethan indulges my mom about what his favorites on the menu are.
How can he do this and not be suffocated by the need to kiss me? I want him to stop teasing and tackle me on this table. Right here. Right now.
“What about you, Maddie?” Mom asks. “What’s your favorite here?”
“Oh, um.” I blink down at the menu, suddenly forgetting every fucking dish this place makes when Cameron trails his fingers higher to my inner thigh. I should have worn tights beneath this dress. I should have made it difficult for him, but I didn’t. It’ll be too easy for him to slide his hand up to feel my silk panties. It’ll be too easy for him to slide them to the side and—
The question.
Right.
What was it again?
“She always gets the fettuccine,” Ethan supplies, oblivious to what’s going on beneath the table. “Basic as hell.”
“I’m not—” Fuck. His hand is on my pussy now, his middle finger dragging up and down the fabric of my underwear over my slit. I have to clear my throat to try again, and Cameron covers his mouth with his free hand to stifle a laugh.
I’m going to kill him.
Yet here I am, parting my thighs slightly wider to grant him more access.
“I’m not basic,” I reply with more confidence. Thankfully, we’re interrupted when the waiter brings us our garlic bread, so no one notices my clumsiness. I’m quick to snatch a piece if only to have an excuse not to speak because my mouth is full.
Cameron grabs one, too, eating with one hand while moving my panties to the side and sliding that middle finger of his up and down my soaking wet slit. He shifts subtly in his seat, but it’s a dead giveaway to me that he’s finding this difficult too. For whatever reason, that excites me.
He’s playing with my clit as I stuff my face with garlic bread to tamp down my moans. We must be pretty good at this considering my family hasn’t so much as looked in our general direction.
One second I’m in a lust-filled daze, and the next Cameron rips his hand from between my thighs while wearing that cocky grin of his. His eyes flick to mine, and I can see his fingers glistening with my arousal when he brings them to his mouth and licks them.
My body is on fire.
“Mmm,” he hums. “That garlic bread is delicious.”
“Isn’t it?” my mom adds. “I swear, I can’t find another place like this. It’s expensive, but completely worth it. Don’t you think so, Richard?”
“Definitely,” he agrees. “One of our favorite date spots.”
“Speaking of dates . . . ” Ethan wipes his hands on a napkin and twists toward me. I’m praying my face doesn’t look as red as it feels. My brother doesn’t react when he adds, “Mark was working out in the gym today, too, with us, and he asked me if I could text him your number. He wants to ask you out.”
Cameron stiffens beside me, the lust in the air between us evaporating with my brother’s words.
“He does? Did you give him it?”
“Well, I was going to until Cameron suggested I ask you first.”
I arch a brow in said person’s direction. “Oh really?”
“Yeah.” Ethan continues. “We think Mark is a stand-up guy, so if you’re cautious about going on a date with him because you’re wary of his intentions, don’t be. We want you to go for it.”
“We?” The question comes out before I can stop it, but what the hell? I thought Cameron and I were exploring things, not messing with other people. I said there’d be no expectations, but that didn’t mean we could fool around with whomever we wanted.
Oh god.
Is he messing around with other girls?
Is that why he agreed to exploring things? Because he wants to play the field?
It’s clear I didn’t express my wants enough if that’s how he’s viewing things. Obviously, whatever connection I thought we had isn’t emotional. Our friendship might be, but anything past that? Purely physical.
Then again, why am I surprised? He told me he doesn’t do relationships. They aren’t his thing. What was I expecting? Him to become a changed man after we messed around a few times?
I’m an idiot.
An utter idiot.
“Is that the boy who used to play football with you guys?” Mom asks. She takes a sip of wine, and I’ve never been more jealous of her for being of legal age. If I was twenty-one, I’d down an entire glass in seconds.
Just two more years.
When Ethan nods, she smiles. “Oh, I always liked him. You should let him have your number, honey. He seems like a nice boy.”
Cameron hasn’t touched another piece of garlic bread. His hands are clenched on the sides of his chair and a muscle is feathering in his jaw, but he has no reason to be upset when he’s all but shoving me into Mark’s arms. Sure, he was up front and honest about not wanting a relationship, but I thought we’d at least be exclusive while we explored.
He’s probably been exploring with the redhead and Jessica from the park too.
If this is how he wants it to be, then fine.
Two can play that game, Cameron.
Turning to give my brother a dazzling smile, I say, “I was hoping he’d ask you. I’d love for you to give him my number. I’m long overdue for a date.”
“Awesome,” he replies. “I’ll text him after dinner, then.”
I continue to force a smile the entirety of our meal, but I can hardly eat. My heart is shattering, and just as I predicted, I’m a crumpled up piece of paper.
I said there’d be no expectations, but I’d be lying if I said there weren’t. I thought this was the time Cameron would go back to the boy I used to know, and now that we finally crossed the line of intimacy, I assumed it meant something.
But just like all the times before, I’m left disappointed, and I have no one to blame but myself and the false perception I have of the boy sitting beside me.
And this time, when Cameron goes to put his hand back on my knee, I slap it away.
Sixteen
Cameron
It’s almost nine, and after three rounds of Call of Duty with Ethan, I’m tired as hell. During training weeks I’m normally in bed by eight, but even if I tried to sleep right now it wouldn’t be possible. Not with my mind racing with thoughts of Maddie and what a fuckup I was at dinner tonight.
I should have told her about Mark the second I left the gym, but even if I had reached out, I don’t know what I’d have said. It’s not like I can claim her as mine. Everything is so new between us, and we haven’t exactly established boundaries. Maybe she wanted to explore with me and only me for the remainder of break. Maybe pushing her in Mark’s direction was the wrong thing to do.
Maddie is an emotional girl, and while there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s something I can’t offer in return. I haven’t been in tune with that side of myself in so long that I honestly don’t know whether or not it still exists, so it’d be pointless to try to find that version for her when I know this will never work out with us in the long run.
A pillow smacks me in the face, bringing me back to reality. “What the hell is up with you?” Ethan asks. “You’ve been acting weird all day. What gives?”
Racking my brain, I try to come up with some sort of excuse for my mood that doesn’t include his little sister.
“College,” I say with a shrug. “I’m stressed about the pressure on my shoulders. Every time I come home I’m reminded how everyone in this town sees me as their hometown hero, and it’s a lot to take in. Coach and others claim I’m a shoo-in, but what if I’m not? What if they’re wrong?” I’m not necessarily telling a lie. This has been weighing on me, I just haven’t wanted to admit it.
“Well, if you flunk out and fail at it, we can always open up that burger stand we talked about when we were younger.” I roll my eyes, but he gets a grin out of me. “All jokes aside, if you fail, it’s not going to be the worst thing in the world. You can move back home and become the best fucking football coach our high school has ever seen, or anywhere else in the country for that matter. You can be a mentor for kids, or you can ditch the football thing completely and do something with your physical education degree? That’s what you’re majoring in, right?”
I nod when he pauses the game, giving me his full attention. “There are plenty of options, and anyone who’s putting pressure on you doesn’t deserve to get an ounce of attention if you do make it to the NFL. Win or lose, you’ll still have me, and that’s what matters, right?”
My throat gets tight as I dip my chin to acknowledge him. “Thanks, man.”
Ethan is the brother I never had. He’s there for me through thick and thin, and although I know he’ll still stick around if this doesn’t pan out, what about everyone else? Would my dad still stay in touch if my football career ended? I don’t have a clue, and the fact I can’t answer that question is its own problem.
“Maybe you need to get laid.” He huffs a laugh, thankfully changing the subject. Right as he finishes his sentence, Maddie walks past his open door. “Maddie,” he calls. She freezes in the middle of the doorway and turns to face us. “Tell Cameron he needs to get laid so that he’ll stop moping around.”
Maddie avoids eye contact with me completely, staring at the floor.
“What?” Ethan waves between the two of us. “Are you both in shitty-ass moods? What is up with everyone?”
Then Maddie smiles that same grin she had on her face when she blew me this morning, and it takes an enormous amount of effort to avert my gaze. “I’m not in a bad mood, but I don’t think Cam needs any help getting laid. Rumor has it he was satisfied this morning, actually.”
If I had a drink, I’d be choking on it right about now.
“Oh really?” Ethan spins to face me in his swivel chair. “Who? Sadie?”
Maddie raises her eyebrows expectantly, waiting to hear my answer.
Is this her version of payback?
If so, she’s got a rude awakening coming.
With a cunning smile in her direction, I say, “I’m not going to kiss and tell.”
Maddie rolls her eyes, and I understand she can’t stand me right now, but she has to know that I fucked up earlier. I need to tell her how horrible I feel about what happened, and if I could go back and make Ethan tell Mark to get lost, I would, but I didn’t know that’s what she wanted me to do at the time.
“So it’s a new girl,” Ethan muses. His face is puzzled as he tries to figure out who it is, but he’ll never be able to guess. “And you know who it is, Maddie?”
A smile threatens to appear on her lips, but she hides it and says, “I have no idea. I just took a wild guess. His dick seems to be inside a new girl every day.”
I flinch.
I actually flinch.
Is that what she thinks I’m doing? Sticking my dick in other girls all because I told Ethan he should set Maddie up with Mark?
She has no idea the power she holds over me. She doesn’t have a clue that I haven’t stuck my dick in anyone since we started messing around. Before that, even. I’ve been exclusive with her since the moment we kissed, but I can’t exactly say that with her brother in the same room.
“Who on earth could she be that you’re being so secretive about it?” Ethan asks.
If I can’t tell her, then I’m damn well going to drop hints.
“I’m not saying names because I want her all to myself,” I say, flicking my eyes to hers briefly. Her lips part, but she remains silent.
Ethan’s eyebrows shoot to his forehead. “She’s got you locked down like that? Damn. Is she that good in bed?”
I immediately laugh and then laugh even harder because he has no idea he’s talking about his little sister right now.
“Definitely,” I reply, my eyes never leaving Maddie’s. “She’s the best I’ve ever had.”
Maddie’s eyes drop to the floor, her cheeks turning a bright red. She doesn’t want Ethan to see, so she quickly spins around and says, “You guys are gross. I’ve got studying to do.”
“As always,” Ethan replies when she disappears. “God, she’s so lame.”
Not always.
Contact with Maddie, whether it’s awkward or not, feels good. So good. Although she still seemed annoyed with me, she didn’t seem pissed, so I’m taking that as a step in the right direction. Then again, she was in the same room with her brother, so she couldn’t exactly act pissed in front of me and make the tension between us obvious.
I replay the interaction on a loop when Ethan starts the game back up, my brain overthinking and worrying about her ending this exploring proposition between us before it’s even started.
When did I become this type of guy? The type to analyze every word exchanged and try to read between the lines? It’s so unlike me.
I’m not clingy. I’m not someone who cares if a girl wants to continue things because I’ve never continued them before. With anyone. If I found a girl who was okay with what I was looking for, we’d have sex, and then we’d chat for a minute or two, and then they were out the door going about their lives.
Maddie is different.
Clearly, my first crush hasn’t faded, and now that I’ve crossed into the realm of intimacy with her, I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop. And I have to stop. We’ll be going back to school, and long distance has never worked out for anyone. How would it be able to work for us when we would have to hide our entire relationship?
It can’t work, and yet here I am, trying to conjure up ways to make it happen.
Releasing a sigh, I try to focus on the game again but it’s no use.
Maddie Davis fucked me up the very second her lips met mine, and now I fear I’ve got no chance of recovering.
Seventeen
Maddie
In high school I used to think girls who were obsessed with their boyfriends were annoying. They’d hold hands everywhere they walked, canoodle by the stairs, whisper sweet nothings when I passed them in the halls. It was ridiculous to think someone could be in love that young, but that was before Cameron Holden kissed me.
