The dogfather, p.2
The Dogfather, page 2
Galileo suddenly had a clearer idea as to WHO his enemy might be.
6
Three Dogs
Buster stood below the largest oak tree in Happy Valley and barked at a kookaburra high enough to be out of danger’s way. Galileo couldn’t quite work out if Buster was angry or just having fun.
SILVIO was on his back, chuckling away.
CHARLEY was sitting up against the tree solving a sudoku when Galileo approached.
‘Here comes trouble,’ she barked.
Galileo was unsure if this was a joke or a warning.
Silvio quickly BOUNCED UP. He snarled just a little.
Galileo knew that the dogs would deny having anything to do with the break-in at the agency. He would have to have his smarts about him.
Just as Galileo was about to open his mouth to say hello, Buster switched his attention from the kookaburra to the horse detective standing in front of him.
‘Did you get our message?’ Buster asked.
Galileo wasn’t expecting this. Suspects are usually much more CAGEY. Perhaps there was another message that Buster was referring to. ‘Did you call and leave a phone message?’
‘No, I wasn’t referring to that message. I was talking about the message made out of sticks left in your rather untidy office, Detective. Did you get THAT message, or do we need to send it again?’
This left Galileo in no doubt as to who had broken into his agency. He felt himself getting hot and had to remind himself to remain cool. ‘Why would you do something like that?’ he asked.
‘Leave the chickens and the cows alone. They are happy with the service we provide,’ Buster growled. He took a step towards Galileo and pounded one paw into the other.
‘Stop asking questions and I’m sure your little agency won’t get broken into again,’ Silvio said, nearly tripping over his own feet.
‘Perhaps you should go back to trail riding. It’s much safer than this detective business you’re trying to start,’ Charley offered.
Galileo couldn’t make the connection. WHY had the dogs ransacked his agency, and what did that have to do with missing eggs and milk?
‘You see,’ Galileo began nervously, ‘ever since I’ve lived in Happy Valley – which is most of my life – the chickens have been happy to share their eggs and the cows have been proud to share their milk. But that seems to have changed recently. I am getting the feeling that it might have something to do with this “service” you’re providing.’
The three dogs were now surrounding Galileo. He could hear their breath become heavier, and Silvio began a not-so-gentle GROWL.
Galileo wondered if his detective dream was all worth it.
‘I think it’s time,’ announced Buster.
‘Time for what?’ replied Galileo quickly.
‘Time for you to meet the Dogfather,’ Buster declared. A grin slid onto his face.
Galileo had no idea who the Dogfather was, but he was a brilliant horse detective – or at least he believed he was. And his detective logic told him that Marlon, the dog who never wanted to mingle with any of the other farm animals at Happy Valley, MUST be the Dogfather.
Galileo had never met Marlon. Apart from Buster, Charley and Silvio, nobody had.
Galileo knew he had to approach Marlon to find the answers, but he had no idea what to expect. And that made him very, very nervous.
7
The Dogfather
Why couldn’t Galileo have normal horse dreams?
Other horses dreamed of endless lush paddocks to gallop in, or bottomless sugar bags.
His father had warned Galileo off becoming a horse detective. Octavius had wanted Galileo to continue the family tradition of being a trail horse.
Even Charley had warned Galileo about his career choices. He could simply be giving happy tourists joy rides along a beautiful beach. But no, now he was nervously cantering towards the Dogfather, with no backup and no idea how this was going to play out.
Galileo’s imagination ran WILD thinking about how sharp the Dogfather’s teeth were and how big his paws were.
Arriving at the top of the hill, Galileo spotted the biggest kennel he had ever seen. This was NOT a good sign. Is it possible that a dog could be bigger than a horse? Galileo wondered.
Buster knocked on the kennel with a paw. ‘Dogfather, we have a visitor.’
‘I’m eating,’ came a voice from within. The voice was deep and loud and, quite frankly, TERRIFYING.
‘I think you should talk to our guest,’ Charley suggested.
A sigh was heard from the kennel, then footsteps. Galileo wasn’t sure if his heartbeat was louder than the footsteps. He could feel the sweat trickle down his long face.
‘Who do we have here?’ the Dogfather asked with his booming voice, which quite clearly did not match his tiny stature. Galileo had had birds bigger than the Dogfather ride on his back.
‘My name is Galileo. DETECTIVE Galileo . . . I’m a horse detective,’ he gulped.
‘How fascinating,’ replied the Dogfather. ‘I am the Dogfather, and I have a job too. My job is to keep everyone SAFE. Do you know how many times greedy cats slurp up the cows’ milk, or that sly fox steals eggs?’
This confused Galileo. ‘But cats don’t drink milk – it’s not good for their tummies. And the fox is allergic to eggs.’ He thought everyone knew that.
The Dogfather looked a bit sheepish, but he continued. ‘Nevertheless, they need protection, so that’s what I provide. I do this out of the KINDNESS of my poodle heart . . .’ The Dogfather twirled his moustache.
‘Well, you do it for milk and eggs,’ Galileo answered. ‘You see, Dogfather, I keep everybody safe too, but I guess I do it for free. Everyone has the right to feel SAFE in Happy Valley without having to give up their eggs or milk. You can’t go around making the cows and the chickens scared just so you can get what you want.’
‘Well, that is a terrible business model,’ said the Dogfather. ‘And it is simply no fun.’
‘Oh, but it is. Helping others is lots of fun,’ Galileo assured the Dogfather.
‘Agree to disagree. It’s way more fun to provide protection AND have lots of free eggs and milk, don’t you think?’ the Dogfather insisted.
Galileo popped his head in through the kennel door. He saw that the kennel was loaded with baskets of eggs and buckets of milk. He needed to think of a way to get them to the Fair for the World’s Biggest Cake attempt. If he didn’t, they would struggle to bake even the world’s biggest cupcake.
‘What you have here is lovely,’ Galileo reasoned. ‘I’m sure you like eggs and I’m sure you like milk —’
‘We sure do,’ replied Buster.
‘But what if I told you there was something BETTER than just eggs and milk?’
‘Nothing’s better than eggs and milk!’ a slightly offended Buster stated.
‘When you put eggs and milk together and add sugar and flour and icing and candles . . .’ Galileo said.
The dogs’ tails began to WAG, and drool dripped from their tongues.
‘I’m sorry – what does this make?’ asked Silvio, who was tantalised but still confused.
‘A cake,’ Charley chipped in. ‘I’ve heard about these.’
‘What’s a cake?’ asked Buster.
The dogs had clearly never seen or eaten a cake before, and were trying to catch up and imagine what Galileo was describing.
‘A cake is the food of DREAMS, and the whole town of Happy Valley is going to work together to make the biggest cake in the world! But to do this, we need these eggs and milk. What do you say?’
Buster, Silvio and Charley all looked at Marlon, who fidgeted with a chew toy as he considered his response.
‘This cake you speak of . . . it sounds like an offer I cannot refuse!’
Galileo couldn’t believe his ears. But he didn’t have time to celebrate just yet. He needed to get the milk and eggs to the Fair as quickly as possible.
‘But . . .’ Marlon said.
Was the Dogfather about to change his mind? As Galileo waited for Marlon to continue, he heard a familiar voice chirp,
Galileo looked above and saw a beautiful sight. It was Agatha the Wren in full flight, dropping four balls.
One hit the roof of the kennel, making a THUNDEROUS noise, another bounced right off Silvio’s head, and the other two rolled down either side of the hill.
The dogs couldn’t help themselves; they JUMPED and DOVE after the balls.
Galileo acted quickly. He grabbed as many baskets of eggs and buckets of milk as he could fit in his mouth and balance on his back, before galloping as fast as he could towards the Fairground.
The Dogfather and his gang were so enthralled by the balls that they didn’t even notice – which also meant Marlon didn’t have time to change his mind!
8
Let Them Eat Cake
The TV cameras were already rolling when Galileo raced into the Fair, loaded up with milk and eggs.
Marjorie Marmalade was the most relieved person on earth. She cheered so loudly she nearly BURST a TV reporter’s eardrum.
Finally, this was the day Happy Valley did something amazing.
Everybody helped: cracking eggs, whisking the yolks, stirring the milk in.
A GIANT oven had been built especially for the occasion. As the cake baked, the smell wafted over Happy Valley. It must have made it all the way to the kennel on the hill, because the Dogfather and his gang made their way to the Fair to see with their own eyes what was causing this extraordinary smell.
The dogs had been so brash with their crime that Galileo was SHOCKED to see them show their faces at the Fair. But the dogs looked different suddenly. Less fierce and more hopeful.
‘Does everyone get a slice?’ asked the Dogfather.
Charley, Buster and Silvio followed in a chorus of, ‘Do we? Do we? Do we?’
Galileo had every right to turn this motley crew of dogs over to the police right there and then, but he decided to give them a chance.
‘If you agree to stop demanding payment from any animals in Happy Valley and become a part of our community – which means helping when help is needed – then of course you can have a slice,’ Galileo said.
The dogs huffed and puffed happily, wagging their tails in agreement.
‘We want to work and help out around the farm, but we are not quite sure how,’ explained Marlon. ‘I don’t want us to be replaced by some sparkly new tractor and have to find a new home all over again.’
‘I’m sure I could help find something for you to do that you will all enjoy and feel good about,’ Galileo said with a smile.
The icing had been spread over the cake. And now the judges moved in with their tape measures to officially judge whether Happy Valley had baked the BIGGEST cake in the world.
The townsfolk and the animals held their breath. Chickens crossed their claws, cows crossed their hooves and even the dogs crossed their paws.
The main judge leaned into the microphone and announced, ‘I declare this cake the new record holder for the World’s Biggest Cake.
Marjorie Marmalade screamed in delight, then gave Galileo the World’s Biggest Hug. (Sadly it was not eligible for an official record as the judges were too busy eating cake to see it!)
‘Thanks, Galileo,’ she shrieked. ‘This wouldn’t have happened without you.’
And with that, Galileo knew that his decision to become a detective had been a good one. He looked around and saw something he hadn’t seen in a little while. All the animals of Happy Valley looking happy. Smiling and laughing.
He felt pride that he had indeed chosen the right career path. A lovely warm feeling filled his heart. Galileo knew he had saved the day.
Galileo returned to his detective agency with a belly full of cake. He was surprised to find it all cleaned. He assumed it was Agatha, but he was bowled over to learn that it had been the Dogfather and his crew.
There was even a message written on his desk . . . this time in slobbered-over bouncy balls.
As Galileo went to sleep that night in his comfy bed, he dreamt good dreams knowing he had kept Happy Valley safe once again.
Oh, and one last thing.
Galileo did find the dogs the perfect job. Retrieving golf balls at the local Happy Valley Golf Driving Range.
About the Author and Illustrator
PETER HELLIAR is one of Australia’s favourite comedians and the bestselling author of Frankie Fish. He is a regular on Have You Been Paying Attention?, was a contestant on the 2023 season of I’m a Celebrity . . . Get Me Out Of Here and guest judge on the return season of Thank God You’re Here. He recently appeared on The Amazing Race Australia – with his wife, Bridget – and Taskmaster Australia.
ANDREW JOYNER is an illustrator, author and cartoonist based in Strathalbyn, South Australia. His much-loved books include The Terrible Plop and Mary & Marcus (both written by Ursula Dubosarsky), The Swap (written by Jan Ormerod) and The Bum Book (written by Kate Mayes). Read more at www.andrewjoyner.com.au
Read more about Detective Galileo’s adventures in . . .
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Copyright
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HarperCollins acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of the lands upon which we live and work, and pays respect to Elders past and present.
First published on Gadigal Country in Australia in 2025
by HarperCollinsPublishers Australia Pty Limited
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Text copyright © Peter Helliar 2025
Illustrations copyright © Andrew Joyner 2025
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ISBN 978 1 4607 6622 4 (paperback)
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ISBN 978 1 0381 0109 9 (audiobook)
A catalogue record for this book is available from the National Library of Australia.
Cover and internal design by Kristy Lund-White
Author photograph by Token
Illustrator photograph by Joshua Menzel
Peter Helliar, The Dogfather
